Seasons

By: Mike
Office Max, Staples, and other stationary retailers have begun the mass marketing Sunday paper ‘Back to School’ pullouts. Parents, in less-than-sane homes, have tweaked inner natural homing devices to pester their offspring. The seasons, friend, are changing.

Gaming in my free time has been ignored lately. Modern gaming folk can relate, as they are most likely spending their free time prepping for the upcoming Fall.

The winter months have always seen the most action for the newest consumer products, especially in the electronic department. Pre-ordering has suddenly taken off ever since the reality of absent games on wishful kids’ lists slapped them hard in their rosy cheek face. Commercials for games will be to the upcoming months as car commercials are to the beginning of a new year — plentiful.

I can imagine you, my beloved hit-bringer reader, tapping your foot impatiently waiting for any significant message from this information of which you probably already know of. And, so, here it is..

Recently I shot over the e-mail below to popular modern gaming magazine, EGM. I’m not exactly entirely sure just why, but after reading the previews in the most recent issue, I felt like shouting out some. I am really not expecting them to post it in the actual game magazine, but I did do it anyhow. Go read it. 

To: <egm@ziffdavis.com>
I know that I’m probably writing this in vain since Fall is peering into reach. And us gamers all know what Fall/Winter means. Why yes, pokefreak, the period when the year’s top of the line video titles pour out into shipments every other week. One can be swept away in such an advertisement and bright-lighted hype-filled two or three-month campaign, especially from just coming out of a game-less Summer draught. My letter to you is a cry for little metaphoric light bulbs to shine brightly upon your caps that hide unwashed mullets.

Now that I have you confused, it’s time for me to spring up my main question. Do you remember the original Nintendo? I mean really remember it? Before you brush me off with your large Xbox induced tentacles, humor a fool and hear me out. What gaming system do you know has naked women in all of their eight bit glorifying art? I ask you, son, how much hilarity may one receive by answering a Christian bible game’s question of “Jesus said that God’s word is…” with ‘lightning’? A whole lot. Seen any exploding Hitler heads on the Gamecube lately? And the last time I checked the PSOne did NOT offer lovable fat men enlightening you with “I am Error” quotes. Some people get a kick out of fancy computer graphic explosions in their games. I, on the other hand, am quite satisfied with exploding hamsters in a mansion full of maniacs. What’s all this hubbub about Stuntman? You can’t beat the original Excitebike’s tricks. Now he’s a real hard ass! Oh and remember when everyone used to play Mega Man? Not like today when only the weirdos do. (Damn you, weirdos!)

You see a system does not become defunct when games stop being produced. It becomes so when gamers stop enjoying them. Look at yourselves! Some of you slobbering over the newest screen shots of the Metroid game. Posting messages all over the Internet predicting how games will turn out and “representing” your favorites (GTA3 #1!!!!!!!). Use your free time wisely. Pull out the old NES. Treat yourself to some old school bliss. Let the brand new 2 seconds of game footage movies come and go. Instead of counting off the days until release dates, indulge yourself in some Ninja Gaiden and familiarize yourself with sleeper hits such as Xexyz. Take the in between lack of quality new games as a hint to play more older hits.

There’s nothing wrong with new generation gaming. The only thing wrong is forgetting the past generation. If you forget your roots then you better get used to the name Error, Error.
Avid modern and past gamer