Why Nintendo Power (and All Gaming Magazines) Sucks These Days

By: Lisker
Does anyone still have any old issues of Nintendo Power? Maybe they’re lying around somewhere in your room, or you might have them stored away in the attic. Even though most people don’t play the games they applied to anymore, the issues themselves remain timeless. Admittedly people who sit around reading 20 year-old gaming issues might seem incredibly pathetic, almost as much as people who write articles about them. But they’re still enjoyable. Because they were a magazine, and the purpose of them was to be something you enjoyed reading. Do you ever keep the K-Mart or JC Penny catalogues you get in the mail? Of course not. Though you never asked for that crap in the first place, but the answer’s still no.

Gaming magazines used to be about helping you enjoy the games you have more, with useful maps, entertaining comics, hidden codes, tips to get past tough bosses or stages, and guides for secret areas. Now it’s all reviews for games you have to get, previews of upcoming games you have to get, articles talking about games you have to get, interviews with people discussing why you should get their games, and editorials explaining what systems you have to get. The problem is they have in fact become nothing more than catalogues. You could pick up an old issue from 1990 and still find it fun to read, but why bother reading one from 2000? All it’s filled with is reviews and previews of games that have been out for a while. And this is what the greatest travesty is. You have to pay for this stuff. Do you pay for the junk mail you get, filled with crap they’re trying to force upon you? So why should these magazines be any different?

And then there are the ads. Advertisements all throughout the magazines. Apparently, the fact that the whole magazines are advertisements themselves isn’t enough. And I’m not talking just game-related ads. No, ads for a new car you can’t afford nor want, ads for another B-movie you’re expected to waste 9 dollars on, and ads for military recruitment, because the army has decided to jump on the ‘war games are fun’ bandwagon.

So what’s my point? None, really. I guess I’m just being a cranky old man who feels he has to complain about everything. It’s kind of a shame, since a gaming magazine subscription used to make a great gift, because it was something you received all year. Now, a subscription is only something to give to someone you hate. Especially if it’s a subscription to a gay porn magazine. Unless they’re gay. Then they’ll probably appreciate it. Unless they’re in a committed relationship.

It makes you wonder though, why the magazines of today feel the need to only cover things that everything on the internet does much better, and for free. You can find much more in-depth guides, tons of up to date codes, the most recent information on upcoming games(if you have to know, I mean), and porn.

Of course you could never find that last one in any gaming magazines. It’s just something nice to look for on the side. They have porn for everything. And I mean everything. Some of it’s pretty weird at first, but…you get used to it. In fact, eventually it’s the only thing that can satisfy you…come to think of it, I’m on the internet right now. So why the hell am I wasting time talking about old magazines?

Excuse me, I’ve gotta go do something else. Something not porn related.