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30 in 1 TV Games
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30 in 1 TV Games
Information/Photos: Jon Ralston
Origin: China
# of Games: 30
Type: Multi-Game System
Jon’s grandmother purchased this 30 in 1 TV Games system out of an Avon catalog. What a nice grandmother Jon has.
I don’t know about you, but I love the image of an Avon lady going door-to-door with cosmetic supplies, perfumes, and Nintendo pirate systems. You hear that, Avon sales reps? Ring my bell any day of the week. I’ll even put on some lemon balm herbal tea.
According to Jon, the instructions are surprisingly well written (in both English and French) without any entertaining Engrish.
The box reads MADE IN CHINA and has a model number of FSC#F54892-1. Nowhere is a company or manufacturer listed, but the box does have this US address:
All Star Marketing
4 Skyline Drive
Hawthorne, New York 10532
Here’s where it gets interesting: All Star Marketing Group, LLC is the same company behind the Snuggie, the original blanket with sleeves.
You’re one step closer to world domination, Black Mage from Final Fantasy.
Jon says the controller, itself, looks “alright,” but “the joystick portion of the controller seems to serve little or no purpose and comes off easily.”
He also tells me the controller contains three color buttons (A, B, C) and three gray buttons (X, Y, Z) like a SEGA Genesis control pad. There’s also Start and Select buttons and a Power On/Off button with a bulb inside that sometimes lights up when a button is pressed.
He thinks the controller drains the batteries even when the controller is off. Damn Chinese.
Unlike the Plug&Play system, the port on the bottom has been covered up and is inaccessible from the outside.
As for the games, he says there are 30 different choices on 3 screens (1-10, 11-20, 21-30). They are all mostly graphical hacks of licensed, copyrighted Famicom games.
1. Space War 2 |
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The first game is a hack of Compile’s Gun Nac, a shooter with anime characters and stores that give away bombs for free to new customers. |
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2. Racing Car
A racing game with more anime characters, like Lance Slick here. Slick is known for his cool moves and a hot foot, so watch your ass when he pulls up with a car shaped like the wienermobile. |
3. F-22
Forget the guns, check out his Jackson Pollock-inspired sleeveless shirt! It’s so daring and unorthodox that some of it climbed up onto his face and into his hair. |
4. Panzer Fly Car
Additional Screens: 1 Is it a tank? An airplane? A car? No, it’s all three! Panzer Fly Car, away! Looks like a hack of Data East’s Bump ‘n’ Jump. |
5. Soccer
A hack of Nintendo’s Soccer, featuring Iraq’s national football team (pre-Bush Jr. era). |
6. Van-1
Additional Screens: 1 Not a van in sight, but there is a plane in this unknown shooter. |
7. DaDa
Not to be confused with a work by Marcel Duchamp, this is a graphical hack of Nintendo’s Popeye featuring penguins and creepy grinning pedobears. |
8. Boat Race
Additional Screens: 1 This is the same game as Panzer Fly Car, but with boats and water. It should have been called Panzer Fly Car Boat. |
9. Scoring
Additional Screens: 1 So many golden opportunities are lost on this slight hack of Taito’s Arkanoid. |
10. Destroyer
A hack of Nintendo’s Wrecking Crew starring a guy named Roger. |
11. Toto
Additional Screens: 1 Sadly, not the band Toto, but a hack of a Japanese game called Astro Robo Sasa. Meet you all the way. Ro-bo-sa yeah. |
12. Billiard
Additional Screens: 1 A hack of Compile’s Lunar Pool. |
13. Combata
Additional Screens: 1 Combatir is Spanish for “to fight.” He/she/it fights in yet another unknown shooter. |
14. Happy Angel
A graphical hack of Konami’s Tiny Toon Adventures. Teletubbies have invaded Acme Acres. Poor purple teletubby has a frown on his face. Cheer up, little fella. You’ve outlived Falwell. Jon says Shirley’s sprite during the character select screen was removed, and that Elmira remains intact. I bet she’d like to get her hands on the gay one. |
15. Golgotha
Additional Screens: 1 This blasphemous Bomberman hack has Bomberman blowing up Christian gravestones (as evidenced by the crosses) at the hill of Golgotha (Aramaic for “The Place of the Skull”) in Calvary, the place where Jesus was crucified. Since when did Bomberman become a zealous religious terrorist? |
16. TNT
Additional Screens: 1 A second hack of Hudson’s Bomberman, but way less irreligious. |
17. Conter Energy
Additional Screens: 1 A hack of Hudson’s Lode Runner. |
18. UFO Race
Space-themed graphical hack of Nintendo’s Famicom Grand Prix Champ: F-1 Race. |
19. Mars Man
Additional Screens: 1 A graphical hack of Hudson’s Binary Land. The penguins have changed into men from Mars, but they still go by the names Gurin and Malon. |
20. Risker
A graphical hack of Nintendo’s Excitebike, changed to really tiny cars (see the person-to-car scale above). |
21. Space War
Additional Screens: 1 A hack of Jaleco’s Exerion. |
22. Future Tank
Additional Screens: 1 A hack of Namco’s Battle City. |
23. Hoodle
Additional Screens: 1 An underwater-themed hack of Nintendo’s Pinball. UrbanDictionary.com defines hoodle as “a water pipe or bong” or “the sensation experienced when fucking Hillary Clinton.” |
24. Aether
Additional Screens: 1 In Greek mythology, Aether is the god of the sky and heavens. It makes sense, then, for this arcade shooter to be set in outer space. What doesn’t make as much sense are the eyeless smiley faces floating around. |
25. Door Door
Additional Screens: 1 The only game left unchanged, Jon says it is the same as the original Japanese game by Chunsoft; no changes are apparent except for the removal of the Chunsoft and Enix copyright information on the title screen. Wouldn’t want a little copyright to stand in the way, now, would we? |
26. Bomber
Additional Screens: 1 A hack of Taito’s Chack’n Pop. |
27. Conqueror
Additional Screens: 1 A water-themed graphical hack of Konami’s Circus Charlie. |
28. Golfer
Additional Screens: 1 Based on Nintendo’s Golf, the overweight Mario golfers in this game have trimmed off their ‘staches and thrown away their painter’s caps. |
29. Tennis
A tropical-themed hack of Nintendo’s Tennis with sprites taken from Hudson’s Adventure Island. Love the sporty new tennis shoes, Master Higgins! |
30. Rescue Kuck
An offensive graphical hack of Nintendo’s Donkey Kong Jr. with racist overtones: the big, hulking gorilla is replaced by a bald-headed black man with glasses in what appears to be tribal clothing. Happy Black History Month, Snuggie people! |
